I love this video, Enjoy it and spread a little hope round if you want.

The hospitality industry is dead in the early months of the year. As work has dried up, my mood is see-sawing like the weather outside is between sun and rain. What doesn’t help is that I have an audition coming up for something I really, really want. Whenever I do something like play a video game or hang out with friends, I feel guilty for not researching and working on my pieces.

Now, I know I’m sounding pretty downcast and emo here, but I’m feeling pretty angsty about this audition. I had a chat with another actor the other night about it. His advice? “Walk into the audition with flu. Flu or act like you don’t give a fuck. Probably don’t give a fuck actually, don’t get ill on my advice.” Although the advice was fragmented, (and full of potential expenses on tissues and anti-biotics), it rings true when all is said and done.

To need something too much is to spoil the fun for yourself, and at the end of the day your audition will fall into the dreaded category marked ‘mediocre.’ I’ve found this out first hand at the past few auditions I’ve been to. The correlation between not enjoying yourself and performing badly is more than mere coincidence: It’s a very real consequence.

The trick is to convince yourself the audition is a bit of fun, but not to the extent where you aren’t taking it seriously. I also realize that not over analyzing is key, so right now I’m off down the gym to let off some excess energy. And to be manly, that too.

Well, I’m well into my auditions by now. To be honest, things have gone well so far. Been slightly left of field and unexpected, but they’ve gone well. Gained callbacks to CSSD on musical theatre and Drama Centre. Still waiting for a decision from CSSD.

Drama Centre was used as a practice for RADA. Gained entry to the second round, but unfortunately what I expected would happen DID happen. I was unable to rework my Shakespeare speech. Well, at least I know now to change it for the big ones.

I’m going to do Gratiano for RADA and LAMDA from Merchant of Venice. Feeling pretty happy with the overall approach to the speech, and my coffee tasted all the sweeter this morning when I learned RADA were putting me straight through to their second round auditions.

Watched 50 50 just now with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Have to admit, tears jerked when this song came on.

Hello fellow tumblots.

Today I’m going to be talking about something slightly different. No, my intrepid internetting explorers, not the pursuit of the right state of a monologue, not even the plays I’m doing. I’m talking about the big I. Improv.

When actors tell you that sharing a character is the most vulnerable part of being on a stage, they’re wrong. It’s improvisation that takes that mantle. Improvisation is something that strikes fear into the hearts of even the most experienced thesps. This is because there is absolutely and categorically nothing standing in between that great untrained beast inside all of us, “imagination,” (eek) and an expectant audience.

At the moment, I’ve thrown myself head first into a crash course of long-form improvisation.

Let me tell you the difference.

Short-form improv is where one or more actors have to work with each other to create a short scene entirely from scratch. Once that scene is done and dusted a new scene is created, entirely from scratch and so on. Long-form is over an hour of creating intertwining relationships across several scenes, and it is easily the hardest challenge I’ve had to cope with across the spectrum of performance. 

However, I absolutely love it! Sure it’s difficult, (and at times frustrating,) but it helps me with something I find extremely hard as an actor. To throw material away and go with the flow. When your brain is working at full speed in a scene you don’t have time to question yourself. You let whatever progression came to you in that moment fall out of your mouth, no matter how ugly or disjointed it is. And that is really so refreshing as a performer, (almost as refreshing as starting a sentence with a conjunctive.)

Hopefully I can take this into an audition environment, and use the knowledge gained here to my advantage. For now though I’m not really thinking about that as such, I’m just enjoying the freedom that improvisation has given me as an actor and working with it across my monologues.

If you’re back from uni on the 17th, come watch it at the Winchester Pub, Bournemouth. 17th December 7 30pm.

So, here we are a month to the first audition.

My main anxiety over the past few days and weeks is that I haven’t had enough contrast in my pieces. However, after some initial frustration during rehearsal on Friday night, I came into an excellent breakthrough regarding my Shakespeare.

The main concern I had with it was that it felt too heavy. It felt too emotional, and I was struggling through it after my contemporary. I tried an exercise where I stripped the speech back and swapped the emotions around the whole speech. It was incredible that some of it actually worked!

Now the contemporary speech is taking shape and near completion vocally, I feel I need to attack the character.

Foxtrot’s speech is full of images. What does the derelict building look like? What does the room that Foxtrot finds his brother in look like? What does the hospital look like? What does the hospital room look like? What does Captain Tock look like? These are the questions I feel I need to address before the character of the speech properly takes hold of the script and really makes it his.

Some of the questions I’ve answered for myself. I know what the derelict building looks like, and the room the brother is found in has a picture fermenting itself into my mind. Foxtrot’s brother’s still pretty vague, and I feel I’m coming to the conclusion I’ll have to put my own brother there in his place. This would give the piece a fragility that’s not there now, but I don’t want to cross the fine line between internal struggle and emotional breakdown.

All in all, I’m going to say I’m being cautiously optimistic, but I’m still worried that they won’t be done in done. However, I suppose I’ll still be saying that on the eve of my first audition. Oh, by the way, I got the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland, but I’ll tell you more about what I have planned for THAT later. 

Stop leaving me on cliff hangers.

Researching external deformity through drug use for my character I’m portraying and I came across this.

It really is quite powerful, and to have someone as literate as this speak about their experiences creates a real insight into this sort of life. I think Foxtrot would know how this affects people before he finds his brother, and it gives me a lot of extra emotion and knowing to draw on. At the same time gives an equally effective force of innocence in the face of all that emotional weight when he touches his relationship with Cougar.

Fascinating. 

As I pick my way along the regular route to the hotel I pass people who are wearing coats slightly too heavy, slightly too thin, material slightly too inappropriate for a cool wind that demands the penalty of cold fingers and skin.

As clinical as it sounds, I find Autumn a transitional season that, like Spring, floats uncertainly between Winter and Summer. A period too far away to become busy and merry with the preparations of the festive season, and too soon after the friendly warmth of long Summer days to appreciate the cold weather. It reflects itself in those people I pass, who react in a concoction of short tempers, glum looks and exasperated features.

However, as tired old October shuffles slowly through the icy door of November to complain it isn’t being taken as seriously as the other months, I feel decidedly excited against the tide of apathy that threatens to overwhelm.

At last, my pieces are taking shape!

Last Friday I finally broke into a natural state with Foxtrot. It was a strangely elevating experience when the character took over to really drive home an important moment of impact within the speech. It was a wonderful moment of release for me, finally having unshackled myself from the chains of forcing falsity through the lines. After, I raced home to cement the newly discovered feeling and rhythm of the piece in place. I really hope I just about nailed it. 

Proteus started to discover himself as well I feel. After working and working on pentameter, imagery and situation, something unseen seemed to click itself into place. He took on a whole new persona. That which was darker than the countless other renditions that had come before it. It felt strange and new, but better. More fascinating than before, but ultimately different. It’s something I’d like to explore further before I apply.

As for applying, I’ve started the Guildhall application, and we’ll see how that goes before I hit the ground running with LAMDA, RADA and CSSD. Tata for now, don’t let October make you feel blue.

Wye Oak - Civilian.

On a related note: The new series of The Walking Dead had an intense first episode. Smite me, hipsters.